Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
