"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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