i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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