Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
