Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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