Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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