So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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