When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
