I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
