Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
