OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
