my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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