it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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