so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
