just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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