I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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