I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
