So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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