Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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