So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
