So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
