ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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