16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
