i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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