Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
