i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
