this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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