Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
