So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
