btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
