I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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