I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
