shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
