Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
