My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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