Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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