Can Purell be used as lube?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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