I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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