I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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