so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
