I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
