one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
