Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
