I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
