just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i believe in u and ur pee
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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