So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
