Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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