i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
