She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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