You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
third nipple confirmed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
