ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How external is "for external use only"?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
