remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
