If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize