i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
