just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
