How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
