We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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