just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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