I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
