Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
