I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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