How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
