I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
