Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you win again, gameday.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
