I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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