It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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