He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
