In the future we'll all be gay
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
