never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
