went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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