Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize