i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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