he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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