Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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