Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
