my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
