i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
