somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
