that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had sex on a roof
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
