yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
