I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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