I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
