When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
