I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
