That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Please, let me fuck your mom
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
