Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
