I just cut my nipple shaving
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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