i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
