We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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