I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
