Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
