i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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