is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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