My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
