does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
