dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
