Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
