Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
